I Peter 5:8-10

So if you know me in real life then you know that while I am a Christian and believe in God, I am not a church goer except for the occasional reason (Christmas, baptism, etc) If I were to go to a church, I would go to my moms. Her pastor is fantastic and it just seems to be an all around great church. I am still at a place where I do not feel called to go to church and I would fall asleep listening to most sermons so that just seems like going through motions and that seems wrong to me.

This past week, my moms church's music director had a severe medical issue that looked like it would require brain surgery. This was very sudden and very shocking. The doctors ran some tests to get ready for the surgery and when they reviewed them, the mass was gone. He is now home and on the road to recovery.

Alot of churches would have used this to preach about God's miracles and how wonderful God is. Her pastor used this opportunity to say yes, God works miracles but let's not spend all of our time rejoicing when John in the corner is watching his mom die and Jane is watching her daughter go through cancer. I think this was a much more powerful way to share the message. (They did of course still talk about this miracle) The message was more of a God is with us in good times and bad type message, so no one felt left out or disregarded because they had not had a miracle in their lives.

My mom got alot out of the sermon and got a CD of it for me to listen to. I did listen to it and enjoyed it very much. Here is what hit me the most. I actually rewinded (what term do you use for a cd?) to get the verse #. This is why I wrote this long church related post (don't expect too many of these!)

I Peter 5:8-10 "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you."

Why did this verse speak to me? Out of a 20 minute sermon? Because I could relate 100% I have related 15 times to be exact. Every time my period starts and I sink into a deep pit of depression and self-pity, I am able to tell myself it's ok because I will be better in a day or two. I just need to suffer a little while. I could let that depression swallow me and make me bitter but instead I gain a little strength and move on. I know that the result I am looking for is to be a mother. 10 years from now it won't matter how I became a mom, just that I did. Most of my prayers between God and I do not involve me asking to be pregnant, some do, especially in the 2ww, but most don't. They usually involve me asking for patience to wait for our child to come into our lives. This in-between time, patience building time, is my suffering for a little while too. But just like with my period meltdowns, I know this will pass.

I'm sorry this post was so rambling... Hope you all have a great weekend!

This video....

This video brought tears to my eyes this afternoon. It's a beautiful song and a powerful visual.

I would Die for That

Thank you MayDayGirl for sharing.

ohhhhhh the bloat!

Damn this bloating, I'll be happy to have it if it means a positive pregnancy test but it's just cruel and unusual punishment if this cycle is a bust. I swear, even my fat pants are tight!!! I sat there last night thinking, I must join a gym at the end of this cycle if things don't work out. I did remember that this happens everytime though and it does go away. It's so hard to imagine that your body can just fill up with gawd know what. It's so bad that when I stand up I pt my hand under my tummy to steady it. WTF??? I laugh at myself because I walk around the house holding my tummy like a pregnant lady! Fortunately at work my pants are all so tight they hold in the belly so I don't have to walk around like that.

Amy, wow, you are only a day behind me! We WILL be pregnant together! I will be testing on the 10th. My RE only does a beta if you get a BFP.

2dpiui, still positive

Since I am sooooo positive this cycle is going to work, I am going to note my "symptoms" every day. We infertiles usually laugh at the cycle 2 fertiles that talk about all their symptoms because your not supposed to really have any until about 5 weeks. So the dumbasses that post on BOTB that they just "knew" they were pg the day they had sex because they felt it and got nauseas the next day, well we ridicule them. So this is not pregnancy symptoms per se, it is my IUI symptoms that help me know it worked. For example, my bewbies hurt. This is great and I keep poking them to make sure they still hurt. At some point they will hurt because of all the poking but oh well too bad. Why is this good you may ask? Well because on my 1st IUI, my bewbies hurt the day after the trigger shot and lasted until close to my period. With IUI #2 and #3, they only hurt a little bit in the middle of the 2ww. So now I can think to myself, WOW that trigger shot really worked! I am also crampy (I could chalk it up to gas but what fun is that?) I have not been crampy after the IUI's before so... there was a girl on my TTTC board that was crampy every day after her IUI and ended up pregnant so every day I am crampy, I will be thankful! OK, 3rd symptom, I am tired, I could nap right now (I could say that is from the dumbass dog that has been barking at 4am every couple of nights for the last 2 weeks, but why should I do that?)

So there you have it, on 2dpiui, I am officially declared pregnant. (If I POAS it would show pregnant due to the HCG shot, should I count that as a sign too?....nahh... I'm not that crazy!)

I am just so fortunate....

I was just reading a post on the TTTC (Trouble Trying To Conceive) chat board. She was complaining that she seems to have no one in her real life that understands her struggles with IF or tries to sympathize. She has a single friend that whines about being single, a friend who is going through a messy divorce and her mom whose husband (her dad) died 2 years ago. She feels she supports them, listens to them and sympathizes with them but they don't try to give her a shoulder. She was saying how glad she is to have the chat board because at least we understand.

Well here is how I feel. I LOVE keeping my blog and writing about my experiences and feelings with IF. I LOVE reading other peoples IF blogs. I love reading their struggles that I can relate to. I LOVE reading about their BFP's, babies and adoptions. I LOVE my chat boards where I feel like I can give my 2 cents and people listen. I LOVE posting a question and getting other peoples 2 cents that I know have experience and want to help. All of these things help keep me sane and keep the loneliness and sadness at bay.

What I LOVE most of all though are the people in my RL (real life) My husband is the most amazing man I have ever known. He doesn't always get "it" but it's not from lack of trying. He lets me take the lead in treatment and next steps because he is comfortable with letting me, not because he is lazy or doesn't care. He leaves me alone when I need alone time and he hugs me when I need that too. He has never once complained about having to have some fun with a cup and some porn in a noisy doctors office (you wouldn't believe how many women post about this on the boards) He is just all around wonderful support.
I walk 3 miles every morning with my mom and although she did not have to take drugs to get pregnant, didn't do IUI's and has never been to an adoption info session, she still listens to me, asks questions and reads articles and books to try to understand what I am going through. This is my daily therapy.
I have a very good friend at work that would give anything to be married and have a family. She is also dealing with her mother's recent diagnosis of cancer. I will sit down and ask about her mom and when she has updated me she will ask me about my latest treatment. She sincerely does this and really wants to know what is going on. Once, right after her moms diagnosis, she asked about my recent IUI, I said it was unimportant compared to her situation. She said her moms cancer was important but what I am going through is important to me and therefore important to her. That meant the world to me.
Another friend recently lost her pregnancy at 17 weeks. She had fought hard for that baby and had gone through IVF to get him in the first place. Within a week she was asking me about my treatments and where I was in the cycle.
Today my friend S took the time to ask about my IUI and the adoption info session I went to Saturday with her 24 hour old baby in her arms!

I am so very fortunate that I have so many more stories like this and they keep coming happening to me. I could type out a much longer post but I think you get the idea. So on those days where I feel like no one gets it and I am all alone, I want to remember to go back to this and remember how very fortunate I am.

New baby and New hope

I was lying on the table after the IUI letting the swimmers do their thing and my phone rang. I didn't want to jump up to get it so I let it go to voicemail. When I checked it was my friend S, she had her baby yesterday!! I immediately called her back and she said I could come visit anytime so my clinic is only a block away from the hospital so I grabbed some flowers and got my butt over there. Pretty much as soon as I got there her DH left to go home and grab a shower. He looked so happy but exhausted too. So S and I got to spend some time together with the baby. Her name is Ella Sydney and is just beautiful. When I got there she was sleeping on her mom's chest and just looked so sweet. I held her a bit later and she just looked around and just seemed so content. It was really wonderful to see them. Not one little ounce of jealousy or anything. (I was a little surprised by that, I expected and was prepared to handle some jealousy.) I was just so overwhelmed with happiness for them that there was no space for bad things like jealousy to creep in. Even now I am just happy.

I called Jamie on my way to the hospital to tell him I was heading over and I would get some baby vibes, he said to be careful and not get too many, only one or two babys worth!

On the IUI, it went really well. There were 40 mil swimmers and none of my follies had ruptured so I will go back tomorrow for one more. The doctor said it looked like I will ovulate 4 for sure. Also, the other IUI's were not painful but they ween't comfortable either. With this one, I was so relaxed and I just kept thinking "WOW, I am getting pregnant RIGHT NOW!" so I hardly felt anything. THe doctor said it went really easy and looked really good.

So here's to the next 2 weeks! Thank you for the well wishes, it means so much to me!

IUI #4 stats

OK, went in for my u/s this morning and IUI#4 is a go! I got my shot of HCG right in the butt. First time I have had an intrmuscular shot but she did a great job and I barely felt it. She said the if I do it the other way it tends to hurt more later. I agreed that the spot where the HCG goes is usually red and swollen hard for a day or so. I am not supposed to get that.. it's been 3 hours and still no swelling so I think I am good!

It ended up being really good news! My lining is up to a 10! WOW! The 3 other IUI's my lining was always around 7.5 the day of the trigger so this is great! They like to see 8 and high so with the others I reached 8 but the day of the IUI but I like this much better.

Now for the follies, well our 3 13's ended up being 2 15.5's and a 19. The 15.5's probably will not mature in time although there is a tiny little chance. Our 3 10's caught up with the pack and became a 19 and an 18. So all that equals 2 19's, 1 18 and 2 maybe 15.5's. We are going to focus on the 3 big ones! My doctor did have "the talk" with me about if Jamie and I were prepared for the possibility of more than twins. She still thinks it is very unlikely since we triggered with 3 before and got BFN but it's still a possibility. So I guess in the world of responsibility she has done her job. I think the risk is worth it though and so we are going ahead. I can't imagine regretting this decision but I can imagine 2nd guessing it. I really just want 1-2 healthy babies, isn't that what we all want? I hate this little bit of playing God but I just can't imagine saying oh nevermind to this cycle either.

So here we go! I will O tomorrow, have my b2b IUI's tomorrow and Tuesday and start the 2ww Tuesday. I really hope I see that BFP on July 10th!!!! Let the madness begin!

3rd adoption agency

We went to our 3rd adoption agency info session today. After the terrible experience from the last one (5+ hours, very disorganized...) we didn't really want to go but we were already signed up. It was in Orange County so about 1.5 hours away, that didn't help our not wanting to go but we went anyway. We were so glad we did! We both left feeling pretty good about the place. I liked the woman that did the presentation, she was very straight-forward and didn't mess around. When you asked a question she answered it (unlike #2 who danced around answers, some people had to ask the same question 3-4 times before they just gave up.) This place did come across more like a business, which we didn't think we would like but in the end I think we do. We got the feeling that we would give them our money and we would have a baby in about a year or less. Their fees are a bit higher than the other places but their website reflects it. They also cover all states (the other two were mainly So Cal) so that gives us an advantage. (Teen moms like the idea of their baby growing up in So Cal)and they have access to more birthmoms that way too.

All in all, I just felt better, that we have more hope. Jamie felt better too although on the ride home he said it didn't matter because we will be pregnant from this IUI anyways. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Yes, today is my wonderful husbands birthday! YAY for Jamie!

I went to the RE this morning and it was an interesting u/s. The 3 13 follies developed into 1 16 and 2 15's. That means they are still growing slowly. I asked if that was bad and she said NO! She didn't say it was particularly good either though. My lining was thicker, it's at 7.8 so that is very good. I am a bit concerned that the 3 10's became 12's and 13's and there are a whole bunch new 10's... I really don't want a litter of babies so.... well we just won't think about that now will we! I go back on Sunday for another u/s and will probably do the IUI's Monday and Tuesday.

So here's is another embarrassing fly on a wall moment... Since today is Jamie's birthday and all... well I had prepared him that he couldn't have any special fun (ummm, you know what I mean) due to the IUI tomorrow. He kind of needs to save up the swimmers for about 2 days before hand. So when my nurse told me the earliest the IUI would be on Monday I mentioned Jamie would be happy and explained about it being his birthday and all. Well she thought about it and gave us permission since that would still give the 2 days.... ugh, if you had asked me a year ago if I would be getting permission from my nurse to make love to my husband on HIS BIRTHDAY!!!! I would have thought you were crazy! But then as I sit here and type this... I probably would have thought you were crazy if you told me I would be discussing my sex life on the www. How's that for progress?

Oh and BTW...

Thanks Matthew, I have opened the door and the view is gorgeous.

WOW

This site is very cool The Visible Embryo It shows the development of the egg to a baby with day by day of the first couple weeks.



When you go to the site, click on the little embryo at the bottom left. It looks like the picture above.

Thanks to Gretchen for sharing this! (She's the one that made my pretty Bracelet :)

Ooops!

I made an error! My Perky Ovaries actually did get pregnant on IUI #4 but unfortunately m/c'd. So happy to have hindsight on this one and know that she is carrying healthy triplets now! Perky, I'm sorry about the error, I hope I didn't offend.

The follies are growing! The follies are growing!

Great news! I got my u/s today and they are growing slower than the last couple IUI's. This is good news. My doctor thinks the eggs might be a bit better and my lining can get a bit thicker, it was 7.3. I had 3 on the left all size 13 and 3 on the right all about 10. She expects the 3 13's to keep growing and be around 17 by Friday and the 3 10's are anyones guess. They can grow or shrink, we'll just have to wait and see. So I go back on Friday and hope for 3 17-18 follies and will either trigger Friday or Saturday.

Now in regards to yesterdays post, this screws up the vial count! I will be using at least 6 more vials, which is fine but my whole "destined to do IUI#6" rationale is now out the window....

wait....do you feel it...?? hope has started creeping in! Do I open the door or slam it shut?

decisions... decisions...

So after I got my $900 box o drugs yesterday... I started thinking about it. I hate thinking sometimes, it messes me up. Well anyways. I will be using 4 vials from this leaving 16... so IUI#5 I will need 2 vials... well if I just order the 20 then I cna use the 2 and have 18 leftover for IUI#6. That is the perfect amount. Hmmmm think the universe is telling me something? Perky got pregnant with triplets on her 6th IUI/injectible cycle. Why didn't she get pg on the other 5? Who knows it's such a game of chance....so could 6 be my lucky number too? My mom is holding out hope for this one and Jamie is of course always the optimist so I can let them send out the good karma for this cycle while I think I will start setting my sights on lucky #6. This does of course mean the adoption start date will get pushed to end of October but what's another 7 weeks (assuming a rest cyst cycle) in the grand scheme of things?

WOMAN DIES FROM EXPLODING FOLLIES!

ughhhhhh.... well I just got the big FedEx package of drugs delivered to my desk. That's about $900 including 20 vials of Bra.velle, an HCG shot, 40 Proge.sterone Supps and a crapload of needles. The Brave.lle comes buy 15, get 5 free (nice huh? too bad there aren't coupons in the Sunday paper.) So with the leftovers from the last cycle, I only needed 4 vials but I went ahead and did the deal so that with IUI#5 (like my optimisim?) I will be all set and only need to buy 2 vials so hopefully that will only be about $100. Now that I think about it.... I may need to look at our total with the insurance (just a reminder we get $5000)... actually we may be able to do IUI #6... ugh can't... think.... that .... far... ahead... Anyways, all I need to know now is that I am set for the next 2 days to get my follies big and fat. Wonder what would happen if I just injected myself with all 20 vials right here, right now? Can you OD on Bra.velle? That would be an interesting headline WOMAN DIES FROM EXPLODING FOLLIES!

Cha-cha-changes

I changed the color, a little less Pepto-Bismoly (thanks Nancy!) Do you agree?

IUI #4 is a go!

I got my CD3 u/s with the magic dildocam and it showed all clear on the cysts! YAY! Nurse gave me the blessed drugs and I am scheduled to go back on the 20th to see how the follies have grown. Hoping for 3-5 good ones! Silly hope.... :)

Nother twig is sprouting!

Congrats to The Opposite of Knocked Up, she's got herself a little twig sprouting on the family tree! Congrats!!

Cycle 16

Well hello there girls (maybe a guy or two??) So here I am at CD2 on Cycle 16. WOW, cycle 16... can't believe I am typing that. There won't be a cycle 19... how do I feel about that? I don't know. I was away for work in NYC this weekend. On Tuesday night I was at dinner with a bunch of work people and the man next to me was adopted. I started asking questions and apologized for being nosey (he was very open and willing to talk) and I said to him (and the 4 other people around us) that my DH and I would be starting the adoption process in September. I said it like that, matter of fact. Not we might be, but we will be. Not one person asked why but 2 people said, wow, that is wonderful! They were very sincere about it. The adopted guy said he has a lot of respect for people who adopt and it's a wonderful thing. All in all it was a great conversation that I learned alot from especially because he appears to have some african-american (they do not know his origin) and his parents are Caucasian. He was very nice about talking about that aspect. So it was a nice evening. On my drive home yesterday (CD1...) from the airport I started thinking to myself how nice it was that I didn't flip out when AF came and how nice it was that I could talk about adoption so openly and as if it is already a done deal. Then I burst in to tears. That's right, driving along all hunkydorey, smile on my face, and I burst into tears. I couldn't stop and almost had to pull over. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I am absolutely positive we will be adopting. I am positive I will never experience a pregnancy, I will not merge my DNA with Jamie's DNA. I am positive that I need to mourn this loss. This sucks, I am also positive that Jamie and I want to adopt. I know we will love an adopted child immediately and no differently than a bio child. I don't know why I need to mourn this loss but I know I do. I don't know if that makes sense. I know you might be thinking that I am crazy, that we are doing 2 more IUI cycles so I still have a chance but I don't have that hope anymore. I am doing the cycles so I can look back and say I did all I could but all hope for a bio child is absolutely gone. I am ok with that. 99% of the time. It's just when I am driving home from the airport and reality hits that I am not ok. I choose to blame it on the af hormones.

In other news.... I met TTC with DH through IVF with AMA and a MF for a BFP (aka roaringrock on the T-TTC board) while I was in NYC. She was great! I love meeting new people that I can share this horrific journey with. I was sorry to see her so sad. She is having a hard 2ww after IVF. It's hard not knowing what she is going through since I have not done IVF but knowing just because we (the whole IF sisterhood) get it. In a general sense, we get it even if we aren't doing exactly the same protocol. Feel free to stop by her blog, tomorrow is beta day and she could use some love.

roaringrock told me an interesting thing that we can all get. She said that her RE (I think...?) told her that he had been in cancer waiting rooms and saw more hope in cancer patient faces than he sees in RE waiting rooms. I think that is such a sad statement and I can believe it. Not that I would make any comparisons to cancer and IF, I would certainly rather have IF than cancer but my take on it is that with cancer, some patients have hope that they can beat the foreign demon that has invaded them. With IF, I feel like my body has broken the laws of nature, even though I intellectually know it's not my fault there is a huge sense of guilt, that I am failing my husband and my non existent children that I can't create.

OK, one last thing and then I am ending this very long-winded post. I got my bracelet!!!!

Gretchen from the T-TTC board is making these. To date 89 girls across the country are wearing one. It is lovely and all of the stones represent hope and fertility. I feel very special wearing it. Thanks Gretchen!

Please help me welcome.....

Dreaming of Baby F to my blogroll! She is currently in the 2ww of her first IUI! Dorp on by and wish her some luck as she tries to get a seed to germinate!

Here is a very cool link if you want so see how IUI's etc work. This is from MSN and is a very cool computer interactive graphic.
Making Baby the High Tech Way

I'm at 5 dpo, that seems early but I leave on Sunday for New York for a few days so by the time I get back I will be at 11 dpo!!! YAY! This month seems to be going pretty fast!

I was thinking last night about the concept of me ever being pregnant and I was thinking about when I was 13 (no didn't want to be pregnant back then!) I had a God-Sister that I kind of grew up with and she was 3 years older than me. This meant she got to do everything first and since I looked up to her I was jealous. When she turned 16 she got to drive. I very vividly remember being sooooo jealous because I just couldn't imagine being old enough to drive. I seriously thought I would die before I turned 16 just so I wouldn't be able to experience getting my license. Because I couldn't imagine it, I was convinced it wouldn't happen. 2 years later, I was still only 15 and not driving and she got to graduate high school! Oh, that was so much worse! I thought I'd be in school forever. Again I just couldn't imagine it so how could it happen. Same thing when she got married, etc. I think you get the point by now. So now I wonder, all those things I couldn't imagine and look at me now. Married, graduated with an MBA and believe it or not, driving my very own car (for the last 18 years, thank you very much!) So can I actually get pregnant even though I cannot for the life of me visualize it? Or is this really a premonition type thing, I can't imagine it, it won't happen and therefore I won't be that surprised that it never happens? I guess I will know in a few years when I can look back and say, wow, it actually worked. Or I can look at my beautiful adopted children and say, this is why I never got pregnant.

Maybe Baby

Maybe Baby has a great post today. Please go check it out and the article he discusses. I think he brings up some very good points!

Positive side effect

Up until I started going to the RE and spreading my legs for anyone that walked in the room, I was very nervous. For 1-3 days before my annual GYN appt, I would get sick to my stomach and almost vomit at the appt thinking about spreading my legs and being poked and prodded in my most delicate of regions.

Well yesterday I went to my annual exam (heck, I'm on a break cycle, can't go a whole month without someone down there!) I had no nervousness at all and was very relaxed through the whole appt. In fact it was weird to not have a video monitor next to me to see what was going on!

There, something positive! Before I would have said I preferred the dentist to a GYN appt!

Another great thing came out of the appt, I found out that my doctor adopted both of her kids. She gave me a referral to the attorney she used and talked to me a good 20 minutes about IF and adoption. It was sooooo nice. She said several times, "What you are going through is so hard and I understand that." WOW, I have the best GYN ever! At the end of the appt she said that she hopes to see me in the next few months for a pg appt or wants to see a baby announcement that we adopted :)

In other news.... FF finally agreed with my O date! YAY! I am officially 4dpo!

I had a very strange pain yesterday. I kind of think it was in my left ovary which is where my cysts were. It did not hurt at all when I sat but when I stood up it hurt and when I walked I actually limped a tiny bit. It wasn't horrible, more annoying. Well today it is completely gone. I wonder if the cysts popped?

Still not entirely sure where I am in my cycle. FF still says I O'd 6 days ago (very bad for BD timing) but I think it was 3 days ago (very good for BD timing) # days ago also matches up with my CBEFM and my CM. Anyone want to take a look and give me an opinion? My FF Chart

so happy for you that I want to cry

Yeah, 2 "Hey we're pregnant"'s in 2 days.

Dear God, when will it be my turn? Can you at least stop everyone else from getting pg around me? Or at least the people who already have 1 dammit?

Meanwhile, I ordered Adoption for Dummies on Amazon today...

What a great weekend!

OK, the best thing ever happened this weekend. I had a full 50 minutes where I actually thought to myself, I am GLAD I am not pregnant at this moment.

I'll start at the beginning. On Friday I saw my acupuncturist and she did all sorts of things that were to help my ovulation for the weekend. She even did something new. She put herb cones (like little incense cones) on my ovaries and lit them. They sent all sorts of smoke all over and then got really hot. She said this would help me spiritually and of course help my chi. YAY chi! It's all about the chi I say!

So then I met my friend S for dinner but I realized on the drive that I stunk!!! I smelled like smoke! Agh! Well S said she couldn't smell a thing so I was alright but all night it kept bugging me! no more smokey cones for me! S is 37 weeks pg so I let her pick dinner (I think it was her turn anyways :)) So we went for pha. It was yummy! We then walked around a bit and then went to her house. I got to see all the cute little baby girl clothes and things. I felt very helpful with my couple of organizational ideas too! I am soooo looking forward to her baby coming. I think she and her DH will be such great parents and I can't remember the last time there was an infant in my life. And before you think it.. there was no jealousy involved. They worked hard for this pregnancy and for some reason that makes it ok to me. Also I met her when she was already pregnant, it will be strange when she has the baby because I have only known her as a pregnant lady!

On Saturday was spa day... oh how I love spa day. It is the most wonderful of all days except for wedding days... One of my dearest friends ever drove an hour to my house and then we went to Old Town Pasadena. She and I had gone to Spain last October so we decided to relive that joy and went to a Tapas restaraunt called Barcelona. We sat outside and drank a pitcher of sangria and ate tapas. It was wonderful. We sat there for a full 2 hours! The temperature was gorgeous, there were nice people out and about and we were buzzed. What more can you ask for?

We then walked to Burke Williams Spa for our 3:00 appointments. We got the 30 minutes early and enjoyed the jacuzzi and steam room. I then had the mos wonderful 50 minutes ever. Remember my opening sentence? Here is why:

Savannah's Surrender

This treatment begins as Burke Williams Mineral Salts are rigorously massaged into your skin. Immediately following, a warm, organic mud is applied. The experience is heavenly, the results are healing. Next, cascading waters literally wash away your tensions as they rinse you in preparation for the piece de resistance - an invigorating peppermint-menthol application that will wake up your sense and set your body tingling. When you surrender to Savannah, you'll be at the same time relaxed and stimulated, soothed and energized.

Laura was my angel in rubber overalls. I just laid there like a lump, wet, naked, completely relaxed, being rubbed by a woman and I couldn't have been happier. I actually thought to myself:

I AM SO HAPPY TO NOT BE PREGNANT AT THIS MOMENT, I AM GOING TO ENJOY THIS TO THE FULLEST

I then vowed to get pregnant so that I can't go back for a full 9 months and that will be ok with me.

We then went to see Knocked Up and I actually enjoyed it for what it was. I laughed and never felt bothered by a dumb girl getting knocked up because it was after all just a movie.

Yesterday we went for a nice long hike with some friends in Santa Monica. The interesting part about this was that the husband of the couple and I were a bit ahead of my DH, the wife and another friend. Well he asked me if DH and I were thinking of kids. I don't know why I did this but I started telling him about the RE and how we have been trying for 15 months. You know what? He listened and he asked intelligent questions. I am not amazed because he is that kind of guy. Just a real good guy that has a genuine interest in other people. What does amaze me is that I couldn't think of any other male (other than DH of course) that expressed this much interest and listened. This touched my heart and made me happy. So J if you ever end up reading this... thank you, from the bottom of my heart for expressing an interest in a difficult subject when you did not need to at all.

So all in all, a fantastic weekend. Oh yeah, somewhere in the I O'd :) I think it was yesterday based on CM and the CBEFM but ff says it was Thursday. If I plug in a coupl of high temps for tomorrow and Wednesday though, ff changes it to Sunday soI am sticking with that and calling me 1dpo today.

WOW, just wow!!!

So I am doing my daily blog reading and saw that Are We There Yet? just had a little baby boy placed for adoption with them! They had even taken their name off the list so this was completely out of the blue! How exciting! Stop on by and give them some congrats!

Almost there....

A first has occurred for me. Not sure if it is the acupuncture or leftover drugs in my system but I had EWCM and a peak reading!!! I know this is more info than anyone could possibly want and only infertiles understand the constant discussions of CM. So I know that you can appreciate this (although my future child looking back reading about how mommy and daddy made him/her definitely won't!) Well my CM is all over the place, fortunately I don't mean that literally. My temps are pretty close to textbook and are lowish before O and go up after O and drop the day of AF. If only my CM would cooperate and be what it is supposed to be when it is supposed to be! That's what made this so great! I had watery yesterday and then to have the EWCM today, it's almost textbook! My temp climbed a bit so I am thinking the big O will be tomorrowish. So DH and I did our thing and believe it or not.... I have a little bit of hope a brewin' OH DAMN THAT HOPE, she scares the hell outta me! Can I possibly be one of those lucky ones that gets pg on an off cycle. At home with only her DH present instead of in an office with a woman doctor and a long catheter? Is it possible to make a baby that way? I guess we'll know in 2 weeks.... just happens to be Fathers Day. Wouldn't that be a kicker? To get a BFP on Father's Day.... a girl can dream, can't she?